I got up early yesterday too and got a lot of tasky things done that needed attention. Then, I met at Ellwood's with Jay Miles. He and I are heading a new group called Project Yoga Richmond which will bring free, discounted, or donation based yoga to people who need it who don't currently get it for a variety of reasons. I cannot tell you how excited I am about the possibilities here. After last weekend's training (see "Pulling Up, Pulling Down") I am full of creative energy. Another eventual goal is to establish a teacher training scholarship fund for people we meet along the way who we think show promise as yoga teachers. Yoga teacher training is expensive if you go all the way with it... with travel and everything, going from your first training to 500 RYT can cost up to $10,000. So the fund would help defray some of those costs to help people become certified at a suitable level to teach and build business opportunities for themselves, as well as share the gift of yoga with other people.
Today I went and met an old friend who is having some hard times and is selling some old items. I have been wanting a surfboard for a long time. He sold me his 3 year old eight foot locally hand shaped board for only $275! It only needs a leash and it's good to go. I am so psyched about it! Ben and I are going to go in a couple of weeks and try it out. He's never surfed, I've been twice and watch, he'll get up in the first 15 minutes. I remember when we were dating we went in Target and he put on a pair of rollerblades for the first time and just started spinning around and going back and forth in them. I put them on and can barely stand up. That was, of course, before yoga (1998) really had the hold on me it does now, and my balance and core stability are so much better now. But still! He just has better physical ability to learn new things than I do. Of course, my saying that probably only makes it more so!
Also, I think I am ready to talk a little about this now...
I had a bit of a down period on the way back from our training. I had learned so much, and the training itself had been so challenging for me on every level, but somehow I was still leaving feeling a great sense of purpose and clarity and peace... then I received a message with hurtful words from a friend I happen to look up to. It was awful. I felt so bad because the entire way back from the beach my other friend (who was also driving!) was trying to console me and all I could do was cry. I am not sure where to go from here with this person. I felt we had clicked, had a lot of similar things going on and really supported each other, but now I am not so sure. I think the worst thing is feeling like someone else thought they knew what was going on in my own heart and mind. Heck, half the time I don't even know what's going on in there... yet without speaking to me, decisions were made, things were relayed that I am having a hard time processing, reconciling, and seeing the way through to light. It's not even about forgiveness, I told someone, it's about trust... feeling I can't be myself again around this person. I really felt like I had a soft place to fall in that relationship and now that's gone. I also am trying to figure out what I can do for people in the future who need my support and don't think they have it. I don't know how else to be than the way I am.
Anyway, I'm navigating all of this with as much peace and steadiness as I can. I wish you the same, dear reader~!
Namaste!
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