Knocking the Rust Off

Hello, folks.

It's been almost two months since my last post. It's been a very strange summer. During my last entry I was talking about my grandmother's injury... her cracked ribs and broken spirit. Well, that was only part of it. It turned out she had invasive metastatic bone cancer. She collapsed in her home, again, and while in the hospital they discovered many many bits of cancer in her spine and hips. A week after she entered the hospital, she passed away, June 28.

I will post the eulogy my husband wrote which I read at her funeral on June 30.

We're working on cleaning up all of her things and settling her estate and things like that... it's all very overwhelming, but my cousins are helping a lot, and my husband and brother-in-law too.

Gosh, going back before that, we discovered (well, I discovered by walking onto a swarm of about a million of them) that we had a major termite infestation under our bedroom and front hallway! I walked into the bedroom barefoot and CRUNCH. It was absolutely horrific. As much as an animal lover as I am, I cannot tell you how many termites I actually killed or had my husband kill before it was all over. We did have a company come and treat our house (a nice way to spend $1000, let me tell you, at the beginning of the summer, with vacation plans and all)... so hopefully there won't be any little recurrences.

Also, just before THAT, my husband wrecked his scooter, pitching shoulder-first onto the hard asphalt on Broad Street at rush hour in the middle of traffic. He separated his entire right shoulder and has had a long but steady recovery, helped along by exercise, yoga, chiropractic, massage and soon, acupuncture.

On June 21 my sweet dog Barkley started having weakness in his limbs and a strange odor. After many tests and many, many dollars spent at the vet, nothing was conclusive. On July 21, he passed away at the vet's... he just stopped breathing. A week or so before that he had stopped eating. They suspect it may have been cancer. We will never know. All I know is that I miss my sweet boy so much... the way he used to sleep on my chest on the sofa, the way he'd run out to greet us when we came home, and just the feeling of his fluffy fur under my hands. I can't believe he's gone. It hurts just to look at my sweet Fritz, our other son, and not see Barkley right there next to him.

I also received word from my dad that my grandmother in Texas died on July 23 as well. As far as direct family goes, it's just my dad and me now. The implications of this have yet to completely hit me!

Two grandmothers, a dog, a shoulder, and a house... talk about your first and second chakra issues! My lower back pain once again reared its ugly head, no surprise there.

We went to Portland, Oregon for 10 days for a much-needed vacation... I cannot tell you how healing this trip was for me. I got to practice yoga, walk a lot, visit and laugh with my dear sweet sister Tami and her delightful new husband Keith, help people who needed some help, see the beautiful mountains and the peaceful shore, spend time with my handsome husband, and mostly, get a little perspective. It's hard to stand on the side of one of the world's largest mountains and not feel like everything is going to be okay, somehow. Standing on Mount Hood, looking out over the world, and realizing that mountain has stood longer than any person ever has, gave me such a feeling of being so small, so insignificant, and yet such a part of everything and everyone on this earth, I will never forget it. I caught myself overreacting to some things the past week or two (um... a lost makeup bag? really?) and feeling a little shameful about it. May I remember the lessons learned on Mount Hood! (I'll talk more in detail later about the trip itself.)

When we returned, I opened all our mail that had arrived during our visit, and there was a small card from our vet with a sweet poem (which I'll post later when I have the strength to read the whole thing) and a pawprint they took of our Barkley. I wasn't prepared for this, and even thinking of it now has me in tears again. We adopted Barkley two weeks after we got married, and it's hard to imagine our lives without him. My heart really feels broken. Somehow, I know I will move beyond this, but it's hard to feel it now. I keep looking at pet adoption sites for dogs that look just like Barkley... and feel so tempted to adopt one right away.

I return to teaching tomorrow after nearly two weeks off. It's a fourteen class week... I am hoping to put to use some of the wonderful things I learned in the workshop Tami and I took with Kathryn Budig.

I made white beans and arugula tonight for dinner... it was fantastic as usual, always one of my favorites... and vegan too.

Going to go relax a while and then head to bed... goodnight.