ugh... or, aversion and attachment

So I am feeling a little ill reading over my last post here. How self-absorbed must I have been? (Mel, you were too kind in your comment, as usual~) My, how things can change. Last week my husband suffered a separated shoulder in a horrible scooter accident that could have been so much worse. I am finding that the 'flow' of things has been disrupted in my life... or rather, that what is flowing is not at all what I want. Money issues, termites in our house, difficulty saying 'no' graciously, eating unhealthfully, feeling de-centered despite my attention to the contrary... it's all clogging up my days with gunk and leaving me feeling a bit (okay, a lot) depressed.

I did have a great meditation and yoga event last Friday with some gracious and sweet participants. We raised almost $600 for my friend whose husband (at 34 years old) suffered a debilitating and paralyzing stroke. It's hard to reasonably be depressed when you know someone close to you is suffering like that.

But I think I am letting too many things influence me these days: the clutter in my attic, the news (Gulf Oil Spill), the internet (seen today on Facebook: "I feel bad for people who are too stupid to be Vegan." WTF?), and the tv show LOST which thankfully is over after six looooong years.

All of this stuff has led me to think I need to pare down, not just my belongings but the means by which I receive information. Right now I am feeling so bogged down by all of it that I can't tell which end is up. I think a thorough purge of my friends list is needed (sadly, I'm going to have to let people go that I am sure are very sweet "IRL" but who post negative stuff-- FB is there for my enjoyment, entertainment, and convenience, not for unfettered access to lurid details of what you're drinking, eating, smoking, and who you disagree with-- or worse). I think I am also going to have to "un-join" some things I thought were a good idea at the time.

My resolution this year was Let Go. It seems like as long as I was focusing on that all felt pretty effortless and fluid. Since I got away from it things have felt forced, sluggish and clogged. I don't think this is an accident or a coincidence. I am reclaiming my power here and now. Realizing that "power" is not the right word, but neither is "control." Suggestions for a better word?

Namaste.