reflection

it's a New Year and a time for reflection. as I am typing this rather stream-of-consciously I am choosing not to capitalize... but for the sake of the reader I will punctuate.

this year was amazing in many ways. my practice and teaching were the main things that helped keep me happy and grounded during a time when so many beloved friends and family members underwent great losses and hardships. I felt like my practice was often a prayer in motion, honoring their struggle, honoring whatever small struggles I may have encountered; but also an acknowledgement that all was not lost. my business grew in many ways this year, both in number of students and also venues in which to teach, which are good things. I finished my 200 hour training and am still waiting for the final RYT certification from Yoga Alliance.

in August, after the trip to Hood River though, I began to hit a bit of a wall. I began to realize more and more that my teaching of asana was not fulfilling enough to me. I felt as though I adequately explained and demonstrated the postures, but something was missing. something BIG was missing. I honestly began to feel I wasn't teaching from the heart. or rather, from a deep enough place in my heart. I truly felt what I said, and meant every word, but in some way I didn't feel like I was communicating in ways that satisfied me personally. this tension began to develop (you can sort of imagine a tiny piece of grit in your shoe that isn't that big, but causes more and more pain if ignored) within me and I acknowledged it but did not really make any discernible changes to my teaching technique.

in Atlanta in October, I broke down in tears at a kirtan when I realized that I was exactly where I needed to be and it sort of hit me in the face that I needed to take action to deepen my practice and teaching. after my return I began exploring and studying ways to help communicate a greater sense of connection for people on the level of mind, body and spirit. as I am introduced to more and more new populations of people new to yoga (and those already well-established in their own practice) I realize how great a need there is for people to be encouraged to "live" their yoga both on and off the mat. I am realizing more and more that there are so many ways to do this. and I finally bought in to the fact that yoga is truly for everyone, no matter your religion or cultural hangups-- it's simply a map for living a balanced life. and all creatures seek balance, whether we know it or not. more later.